The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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