I was born with a shot glass in my hand
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
