He told me they were just razor bumps!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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