Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
