im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
