I CAN MOONWALK!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
