If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
