You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
