this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
