Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
