haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
