We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
