I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
