I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He kissed a someone with a penis
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
