why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
