you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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