Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Randomize
