can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
