i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
