Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
