the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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