I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize