We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
