I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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