I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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