I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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