So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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