I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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