I CAN MOONWALK!
I faked an abortion last night.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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