PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize