you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize