TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
