I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
