hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
