At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
