TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
