..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
