when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
