I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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