Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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