Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
