Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
