Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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