I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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