It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
