Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
