I skipped work to stalk him.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Dicks are not precious.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
