My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
