please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
