Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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