how hairy? two words: wookie tits
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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