tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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