i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
