I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
