you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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