the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
