the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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