Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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