The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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