It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
