You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
