you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
