I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
