I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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