he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize