I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize