Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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