Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
