Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
