Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
