Dual....:-)
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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